


Macie & Decker - Tales from The Red Zone

by FenZev



Category: DayZ
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-06-07 23:52:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6830464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FenZev/pseuds/FenZev
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story based on Macie's perspective from roleplay on The Red Zone DayZ server. Decker's perspective can be found via Twitch under the name booNyzarC and you can apply to be whitelisted on the server by following @TehRedZone on Twitter. Much love to BooNy for his portrayal of Decker, and for giving Macie a story to be told.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

_**Dedication:** This story would not be possible if it weren't for booNyzarC, the man behind Decker and the creator of the lore we're about to indulge in. I owe Macie and her role in this story to him, and thank him so so much for allowing me to take this journey with him. Also a special thank you to TehJamJar for creating the environment on The Red Zone for us to play in. Find them both on Twitch, show them the love, because they certainly deserve it. _

* * *

What do you do when you find yourself alone in the middle of an unfamiliar place? I wasn't sure what to do, if I'm being honest. Papa always said honesty was the best policy, keeps you from gettin' your tongue tangled when tryin' to spread lies. I suppose when writing down what has happened, lying would be kinda pointless wouldn't it? Not like anyone'll ever read this except me.

Off track again, but that's just me. Macie Leigh, in the middle of nowhere, not knowin' what to do or where to go, ramblin' on about unnecessary things. I suppose I can try to describe this place I'm in, not like I want to remember it if I ever find my way out. There's a cold feeling around these parts - dark, scary, noises like rabid dogs on the wind. Trees rustlin' in anticipation of what frightening things may be around the corner. Not quite sure how I came to be here, memory's a little fuzzy there. I know one minute I was with others like me, in this new country for a singing competition, and in the next minute, it all changed.

Some say they remember screams of horror, of watching their loved ones change right before their eyes. Others have a similar story to mine; not quite sure how we ended up in the position we're in. All I know is I've been sittin' in this abandoned house for too long; someone's bound to come lookin' for food or water and all I have is this magnum and mosin to defend myself. Oh, and the axe. The axe comes in quite handy against those… other beings.

I wandered around for God knows how long, gathering what food I could find and supplies I may need to get me through the day. Hadn't seen a soul in weeks. Strangely enough, haven't seen any bodies either. You'd think in a place where those monsters are roaming around that there'd be more corpses or somethin'. But no. It's quiet - almost _too_ quiet. Which is probably why he scared the ever livin' shit out of me when I heard his deep, rough voice behind me.

My new traveling companion. Odd one he is. Papa always said I was too trusting, and maybe he'd be right in this case. Decker is one intimidating man, but after being alone for so long, it was nice to have someone to talk to again. I almost thought I'd forget how to speak if I ever ran into another person. But even so, it would probably be alright, 'cause Decker's a man of few words. There wasn't much to our initial conversation other than some small talk. He tried to assure me as best he could that everythin' would be alright and I had nothin' to fear when I was with him. Still, that voice of his made it a little less convincing. Intimidating, yeah, that's Decker.

I do enjoy the nickname he's given me though. He asked where I was from, and I told him I was born and raised in San Antonio Texas but had moved to Nashville Tennessee as most foolish country singer hopefuls from the south do. I don't think he ever called me Macie after that first time meeting; from now on, at least to Decker, I'd become "Nashville." I kinda like it, but let's just keep that between me and this piece of paper.

We spent the next few days gatherin' supplies as most I imagine do around these parts. I hadn't had much practice using guns, so Decker forced me to kill those nasty creatures that wander around here. I gotta say, I didn't do too bad, and I think I even impressed him a little! We found a place to call home in a cute little town called Lopatino, and agreed that if we ever got separated that we'd make our way back there to find each other again.

Good thing we did, as my shootin' impressed him enough for him to take us to the more dangerous places in this country. I'll admit I was terrified, but he has a way of calming me when he assures me that everything will be alright. So we visited some old military bases and got some new clothes and weapons. We ended up near some big tower by Green Mountain, but it was late and pretty dark, and we did indeed get separated. Not sure what happened there, all I know is I found his gun layin' near that tall tower. I waited around to see if he'd return, but he never did. So I grabbed his gun for him and headed back to our home, hopin' he'd return there as planned.


	2. Chapter Two

"How ya doin' Nashville?" That voice woke me up in the most pleasant way. I wasn't gonna show him how happy I was he'd return home, but I was overwhelmed with joy that he had made it back home safe and sound. "You look mighty cozy down there."

I had to laugh at that one. Not sure how cozy one can be on a hard wooden floor of an abandoned house, but that's where I must've fallen asleep. I remember starin' out the window all night hopin' he'd return, and then wrote my last journal entry when the sun came up. Must've fallen asleep while doin' so. Hope he didn't read it while I was sleeping; Decker's intimidating enough without me knowin' he's read my private thoughts on our situation. Still, it was good to have him by my side again.

I think I made his day when I gave him his AKM back that I had found. He was quite happy to see it again, which is a weird way to describe the man. Decker, happy, with that deep and serious a voice? One of them oxymorons or somethin', but it brought a smile to my face to have done somethin' right by him. Turns out he had returned a lot earlier than I thought and had already gotten some sleep himself, so we were ready to begin the day.

I get the feelin' Decker enjoys living on the edge a bit, as we went right back to another one of them dangerous places. Either that or he's tryin' to teach me to be a bit more cautious than I am. Lessons on where to look for danger, how to run through the area, warning signs to look out for, that was our morning mixed in with some small talk. If you ask me, this entire place is dangerous and not just one area or another, but I guess some are worse than others.

Decker said the oddest thing on the way there that really has my head spinning. He does that though, says random things here and there that don't make much sense. But when I told him that he needed to be careful as well because I'd hate for him to die on me, he just laughed, in that way he does, and stated, "I can't die." When I told him he was bein' foolish, and of course he can, he laughed again. "I just can't die," he said. "And neither can you."

Maybe he was speakin' in the positive thinking way of being, that stating something as fact can somehow make it true, I don't know. I asked him to elaborate, to explain what he meant by those statements, but evasive Decker is evasive, and I never did get a straight answer out of him. Startin' to learn that's just the way he is, and I probably need to find a better way of getting answers outta him than askin' direct questions.

We ran through Pustoshka, grabbin' a drink along the way, conversation turning a bit too serious for my liking. Decker asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up; hard to imagine anything going back to some resemblance of a normal life after struggling to survive in this place. I wanted to be a singer, travel the world bringing joy and comfort to others through music. Now I'm running through abandoned towns hoping someone doesn't kill me for a can of food. To even think about what could've been, why even go there? No point in it really, and not sure why he'd even bring it up. To live is my only goal these days. To survive. To make it to another sunrise. What more could there possibly be other than that?

When he asked me about life was like before this place, and I told him about bartending while trying to start my career in singing, he asked me to sing for him. I haven't done so in long, and didn't see the point in starting now. Truth is, haven't felt much like singin' these days - what for? There's little to sing about, to be joyous over, to rejoice in. I told him maybe someday I'd sing for him, but I don't think that'll be any time soon. The last time I sung for anyone was back in Nashville, the place I consider home, to friends and family. To replace that memory by singin' in this new world of loneliness and despair? Just seems foolish to me. The little things like that don't matter anymore, and I told him so. "It all matters," Decker told me. " _Especially_ in a place like this."

I guess we'll see. After a rather uneventful day, we returned to the comfort and relative safety of our home. The man's left me a lot to think about, that's for sure. And writing this has become helpful, as I listen to his soft breathing in the bed beside mine. I hope he's having wonderful dreams that take him away far away from this place. I know I won't.


	3. Chapter Three

Startin' to get used to wakin' up with him around. It's a pleasant change from being on my own, barely sleeping out of fear somethin' may come out of the darkness and get me. The quiet times in the morning are my favorite; I finish writing from the night before, then keep watch while Decker rests. It's becoming a routine, it's comfortable, it almost resembles something "normal" in this current state of the abnormal. He woke up feelin' mischievous, and that usually means it's going to be an interesting day to say the least.

I hadn't expected to start off the day with his riddles, but I suppose I should start getting accustomed to that as well. One question started it all; one question from him has my mind spinning as to what this man is truly about, what is he getting at, what does it all mean, and what does he know that I don't?

"How many times have you died?" he asked.

Seriously, what kinda question is that? Was he trying to get all philosophical on me? Cause deep down I feel as if I've died a hundred times with the shit I've seen around here. But obviously I haven't died in the real sense of the word, cause we wouldn't be havin' this conversation if I had. Apparently Decker's asked that question of a few people, 'cause he said most people say they haven't died at all. Well of course they haven't, to be having this conversation means we're still alive right? Riddles, the man does love his riddles.

I thought maybe he meant the many changes of life, ending one way of it and starting something new? It's hard to figure out what goes on in his head. He says he can never die, that I can never die, but he's asking how many times I have died? Confusin' as all hell this one. Especially when I asked him the same questions. "You can only die once," Decker replied, which of course makes sense. But then he follows it up with, "or a million times." This man makes my brain hurt somethin' fierce!

And then he completely changes the subject by askin' if I had any pens on me! I swear, don't know what I'm goin' to do with this man. Made me think of my friend Elana though, one of the first strangers I had met in this country. She was a sweet girl, her and her boyfriend. They took me in, showed me around, helped me learn a bit on how to survive in such a place. She had given me a blue pen, the very same one I write this with now. I wonder whatever happened to her; we took a rest one night and when I woke up her and her man were gone. I asked Decker if he knew who she was, but sadly he didn't. I do hope they're alright, wherever they ended up. Decker said not to worry about her, that she probably figured it out and moved on. Figured what out? Again with the riddles. Had to mess around with him though a bit, asked him if he wanted the pen to write me a love letter. Surprised me yet again when he said he'd write me one! Didn't think he would, but true to his word as always, he did:

_Dear Nashville, I aint much for writin luv letters… But you are a really special girl. So jest fir you, I rite this. You are perty darn grate in my book. Or at least on this peece of paper._ _Much luv, Decker. P.S. Yeah, I meant it._

His spellin' isn't the greatest,and I admit it was a bit hard to read given his penmanship, but it's the words that meant more to me than anything'. It was a sweet gesture; for all his riddles and frustration and endless unanswered questions, deep down he's got a kind heart. Hard to believe I was intimidated by him in the beginning, 'cause now I can't imagine bein' in this place without him.

Especially when it comes to meeting other intimidating people, such as Sam and Jericho. This was the first time I was able to witness Decker speaking to strangers, other than when he had first met me. Sam especially made me nervous; she had this odd laugh that made me feel uneasy, like there wasn't somethin' quite right with her. They were both heavily armed and very serious. Decker decided to ask Jericho the same question he'd asked of me, wanting to know how many times the man had died. Jericho said he had only died on the inside, many times, but never on the outside.

Jericho was also kind enough to inform us of some doctor in Severograd, said the man does experiments on the living to try and find some cure against the ungodly beings we keep seeing. Not sure what to make about that; sounds a little strange to me if I'm being honest. I have no desire to become a lab rat for some guy, and I sure hope Decker doesn't want to meet this doctor.

Sam was kind enough to give me some ammo she had found, and we parted ways from her and Jericho. Decker seemed to think they were good folk, and I agree with his assessment. While defensive and on edge, they still were cordial enough to have a brief chat and go about their business. Makes me wonder how they met, what their story is. Maybe one day we'll run into them again.

* * *

We spent the night in some abandoned building; was odd not to be in our home but still a place of comfort with Decker beside me. As he slept, I couldn't help but get lost in thought as I noticed a plant sittin' on a desk in the room we were in, still thriving with green leaves. An odd thing to focus on, but then again, what makes sense in this world?

"Ever wonder why a plant manages to live through all this?" I asked Decker.

"Can't say I ever have," he replied. "But you've definitely piqued my curiosity. Why do you suppose?"

The answer seemed simple to me. "Maybe it's just struggling to survive like we are."

Decker laughed, though his mood turned serious. "Life, sure is fucking resilient, and yet so fragile."

"That it is," I responded.

"But not around these parts," he concluded.

These are the moments that continue to convince me he knows something, some deep secret to life, that I have yet to learn. He can make me smile, compliment me and make me feel safe, and yet he also terrifies me with his words. Like this is just the beginning, like there's something darker just around the corner, and one day everything will change again like it already has. These thoughts continued to haunt me as we moved on, travelling through the town, until we ran into another.

Poor guy sounded pretty young to be stuck in such a horrid place, but Decker sure seemed to enjoy talkin' to him. He said his name was Zed, but we decided to rename him Paul, as Zed was too similar to what some called them inhuman beings walking around. Apparently Paul is a travelling trader, said he'd met a few people while trading ammo for food and water. Smart boy. He was interesting though, made video games before he ended up where we are. I also learned Decker has a real hatred for Tetris; funny that, as I used to play that game when I needed to take my mind off my troubles. Wishin' I could play some more of it right about now.

To be honest I think I drifted off a bit as Decker and Paul went on about other video games and programming nonsense. All above my head, though it was fun to listen to Decker be a little sarcastic with the guy for a while. The lightheartedness he shows at time is much more relaxin' to be around then when he gets all serious and mysterious.

Like when the conversation with Paul went to that place I was hopin' it wouldn't go. Decker asked him _the_ question - same one he asked me, same one he asked Jericho. "How many times have you died?" Paul's answer was no different, he says he hasn't died at all either. I do wish I knew why Decker kept askin' that question of people. Does he expect to hear a different answer? Of course everyone's going to say they haven't died, 'cause we haven't! Decker seemed to ignore the answer of "never" by replying with, "only once then I guess." More confusion from the ever confusing man that is Decker.

But he's still the only person I'd trust in this place, and he told me that he trusted me as well. That made me feel good; I think, regardless of what happens or who we run into, I know I'll be alright as long as Decker's by my side. He may be confusing, and frustrating at times, and stubborn as all hell, but I know he's got my back as I have his.

Paul went on his merry way, and Decker and I ended up at the Quarry. Found a lot of tents with a lot of items, and a few barrels with some notes in them from loved ones searching for their families, threats on others, etc. Wasn't anyone around though, so we decided to use one of the tents to get some rest in. The peace and quiet allowed me the opportunity to give Decker the letter I had written him in return for the love note he had given me. It wasn't much, as my inspiration to write anything meaningful seems to have escaped me as of late, but I tried:

_I've always been a songwriter and not a love letter writer, but I suppose the two go hand in hand. You've been my protector since we've met, and I can't thank you enough for that. Whenever you're lost, or I'm lost, we'll always find our way back home. -Nashville_

Decker said it was the sweetest note he had ever received, then said I was special and wondered how he got so lucky. He also said the note meant the world to him, as did I. Truth is, I'm the lucky one to have found him. It's odd, in the short time I've known the man, he honestly means more to me than anyone else I've ever known. It's foolish to think his promises of not bein' able to die are real, but I hope they are, 'cause I can't imagine being stuck in this world without him.


	4. Chapter Four

It was so peaceful when we finally went to sleep last night, but this morning was anythin' but. Dozens of voices woke me from my slumber, various conversations floating through the air to the tent where Decker and I sought refuge. I have no idea how that man slept through it all, but he did. I considered my options: go out there and meet a few of these people, or stay within the safe confines of the tent, Decker within reach if needed. I decided to wait and see if he woke, listenin' to the random chatter a few feet away.

Of course it was difficult to ascertain who was speaking to who, but the more I listened the more I learned. Apparently there were three factions that were established within the area: the EOL, the Red Light District, and the Misfits. A woman was talkin' about how all three would most likely butt heads over territory and come to some kind of war, and she was hopin' to break away before that began. I couldn't figure out which group she was with though.

I heard another conversation between two men; one addressed the other as Jimmy. I didn't pay too much attention to them until I heard Jimmy mention Jericho. Jimmy said he enjoys foolin' Jericho by calling himself Steven, and how easily Jericho could be manipulated. I wondered if it was worth trying to track down Jericho to let him know, but thought better of it; probably best to stay out of the affairs of others.

More names were mentioned as well, Sasha, Phrankie, Sissy, no one that I had heard of before or that meant anythin' to me. All of the voices turned into a whole lot of useless noise until two men approached the tent. I held my breath, kept my head down, but thankfully they kept on walkin' to have a private conversation. One introduced himself as Detective Shaun Lawson, and the other was Strider. Seems they were both tryin' to be "good guys" and agreed to exchange information with each other.

Havin' heard so many walkin' about in this place, I figured it was safe to get up and stretch a bit. I left a note for Decker lettin' him know I was right outside in case he woke up, and then I slipped quietly through the flap of the tent. I checked the barrel for any new letters that may have been dropped off throughout the night, and while doin' so was approached by a much older gentleman named Wally. He seemed nice enough, reminded me of my grandpa a bit. While I was talkin' to him, two other men approached us, and it was then that I met Jimmy and his brother Jax.

Jimmy did all the talkin' while Jax hid behind him; the both of them makin' me a bit nervous. Jimmy was friendly enough at first, asking me about what I had done before comin' to this place. When I told him I was an aspiring singer, he glanced over his shoulder at his brother and laughed, then turned back to me and said I should put on a concert here at the Quarry. I politely declined, still havin' no interest or inspiration in singin' for anyone. Jimmy kept insisting, sayin' that I was exactly what this place needed to lift it from the darkness, and suggested we head back to his camp to talk about it further.

At that moment Jax went running to a nearby tent, whimpering. I could hear him talkin' to someone he referred to as Jekyll or Jackal? It was hard to make out through the incoherent babbling. All I could hear was "get out of my head" and "no, I don't' want to hurt anyone." I asked Jimmy if his brother was okay, and Jimmy just laughed. "He's fine, let's get back to you and I getting out of here."

I explained to Jimmy that I had to wait here for a friend, and cautiously backed away from him. Never in my life had I been so grateful to see someone when I saw Jericho approaching from the distance. "Macie, wasn't it? Good to see you! Let's step over here and catch up."

I quickly said goodbye to Jimmy and his brother, who was now watching from the tent he had run to, and Jericho and I walked far enough out of earshot from the two. "You don't want to get mixed up with them," Jericho warned me. "People that go off with them tend to never return."

Once I saw Jimmy and Jax engaged in another conversation, I made my way back to the tent where Decker was sleepin'. I thought about wakin' him up, but fear got the best of me and I just sat there, wishin' I had never left Decker's side in the first place. I tried to block out the constant voices outside, but they continued for over an hour. It wasn't until I heard a soft voice whisper near the tent that I truly began to panic, as I heard, "Jimmy and Jax are cannibals."

* * *

The moment Decker awoke I begged him to leave the Quarry so I could fill him in on what had happened that mornin'. We walked for some time before I felt safe enough to do so; I was terrified that maybe the brothers were still around, even though I didn't see them when we left. I tried not to show Decker how truly scared I was as I repeated the conversations that were had. Of course he was not happy to hear what had transpired, and vowed that these two would be taken care of. We were about to try and find Jericho to learn more when Decker stopped abruptly and turned. "Darlin', get behind me," he said when he noticed two people across the road from us.

My heart never beat so fast in my life, fearin' the worst and thinkin' it was those two that we were about to hunt down. Thankfully it wasn't, knew that the second they got closer. A man and a teenage girl stood in the distance; odd that I hadn't even considered someone that young bein' stuck in a hellish place such as this. Poor thing must be terrified, I thought. I let Decker handle most of the conversation, as I usually do. I much prefer stayin' safely behind him rather than havin' to speak to strangers, especially after this mornin'.

The man made mention of the gas mask Decker was wearin', said it resembled the same one a not very nice man was wearing. Instantly I thought of Jimmy, who did have a similar one, and then the man confirmed it was Jimmy he was speakin' of. Odd how fate seems to work in your favor sometimes, this random stranger now confirmin' for Decker that Jimmy and Jax are bad people. He told us that Jimmy tried to kill him and his girl.

Unfortunately their conversation was interrupted by some strange half-naked man walkin' up the road. I didn't know what to make of him; said his name was Ernie and the Irish had hurt him _again_. Poor thing looked like a downright disgrace in his underwear. Apparently he was stripped down by a group of people the stranger knew about and was accused of being a cannibal and a murderer. Hearin' about more possible cannibals in this place left me feelin' a bit unsettled yet again.

After we sent poor Ernie off to the Quarry to get some clothes and food, we learned the names of our new acquaintances: Benjamin and his daughter Mya. At least if she's forced to grow up in this crazy place, she has her papa around to lean on. God knows there are times I wish mine were still around, I could really use his advice right about now.

Benjamin and Decker then got back onto the topic of Jimmy and Jax. Benjamin told us that the brothers had trapped him and Mya in a police station in Kamyshovo, shootin' at them and tryin' to kill them. Apparently they were also spouting some nonsense about a bear demon, which reminded me of one of the notes I saw in the barrel at the Quarry. All the note said was _Beware the Demon Bear_. Mya seemed a little frightened about the story bein' repeated, so I tried to make sure she was alright with some small talk about family to get her mind off what the men were discussin'.

Cutest thing she was, gettin' all excited the fishing tackle I had in my hat that Decker had found for me. I never did tell Decker why I had wanted one so bad; truth is it reminds me of my dad and the fishing trips we used to have. I kept on my conversation with Mya but heard Decker tell Benjamin that he should take the girl fishin' to create some memories. Ain't that the truth, some of the best memories I have with my papa. Like I eventually told Benjamin, it was never about the actual fishing, but the time spent together.

I don't think I ever felt more safe in this place than I did during this interaction with these two. I heard Decker tell Benjamin that the brothers were a threat to someone very special to him, and then stated that anyone who messed with me would end up havin' him to deal with. Of course he said it a bit harsher, more like, "You fuck with Macie, you fuck with me. And that's the last fuckin' thing anybody wants to fuckin' do." The way he said it, with such certainty and authority, well shit, it's hard not to feel completely safe when someone says that on your behalf.

We parted ways with the father/daughter duo and headed south to try and find Jimmy and his brother. It wasn't long in our travels until we stumbled onto what we believed to be their camp. No one was around, but there were a few tents and barrels set up. Two things led us to believe it was theirs: one was a note mentioning the demon bear Benjamin had said they talked about, and the other was human meat. Cannibals indeed. And to think I could've been in pieces in this barrel as well. Can't even handle thinkin' about it for too long.

Hours we waited in the woods, Decker hopin' they'd show up so he could take care of them. But they never did. Eventually we moved on to continue south, but I was exhausted by then from everything that had happened, and so we ended up settling down for the night. Took all of two minutes for Decker to pass out of course, the man can sleep anywhere. As for me, well I stayed up to write this, and then the thunderstorm began. Nope, no sleep for me tonight. Who could sleep when they close their eyes and picture two men cuttin' them up into slices of meat to feast on?


	5. Chapter Five

"It's a beautiful thing, isn't it? The roar of the thunder, strike of the lightning, makes you feel alive," Decker's words when he woke later that mornin'. Not sure how alive I was feelin' in that moment; thunderstorms always scared me a bit. That and sitting outside a cannibal's camp had me more frightened than alive feelin'. I suppose that's somethin' though, fear, that'll remind you of the fact that you are very much alive.

I was more than happy to leave that place. Jimmy and Jax hadn't returned all night, and Decker was more in the mood to hunt than to wait. We started to run south, followin' that lead that Benjamin had given us. We stopped in a small town along the way for some water and food, and that's where our trip got a little sidetracked when we met Elizabeth.

Poor thing seemed awfully depressed, goin' on about how she was tryin' to find herself in the world. Aren't we all at some point or another? She didn't seem intimidated by Decker one bit, which was quite unusual given the way he intimidates people with just his voice. But soon it was clear why she wasn't so scared of him; she was hopin' he'd be the solution to her problem. Problem bein' livin'.

Quite morbid this Elizabeth was, goin' on about her friends constantly dyin'. Shane, Ivan, Slade, all friends of hers that were dead just by takin' their own lives. Others who she had to kill, she claims, because they were too nice or good for this place. Not exactly sure how bein' nice is a reason to die, but I was surely curious. She tried to explain how gettin' in with the wrong group of people caused her to do bad things; can't imagine what those things were.

Decker asked Elizabeth if she knew who Jimmy was; no surprise she did considerin' all the bad shit she was sayin' she'd been through. She described Jimmy as a hothead, batshit crazy, and told us about the demon bear he worshipped that we'd already heard about. She also mentioned how he liked to kidnap people, torture them, cut them up and then feed them to other people. Yeah, sounds like the guy we're lookin' for. Accordin' to her, Jimmy and his brother were back at the Quarry and not south like Benjamin had told us, so we'd probably be headin' back there after we were done talkin' to her.

We all moved into the church since the rain came pourin' down around us to continue the discussion. I hadn't been inside a church for many years; it was a strange feelin' bein' there with this girl and Decker. Used to only go with my family, but that was before… well, before we stopped goin' for reasons I don't even wanna think about right now.

Elizabeth told us somethin' we did not expect to hear when Decker pushed her for more information on Jimmy; in her words, he "runs with a psychopath named Jericho." Now that struck me as a bit odd, considerin' we knew Jericho and he even warned me to stay away from Jimmy. Guess in a place like this you don't know who's lyin' or tellin' the truth, or maybe you don't really know a person as well as you think either. Here I thought Jericho was lookin' out for us, but this girl spins a different tale. It's all too confusin' for me.

She also told us that they wanted Benjamin and Mya dead. Not sure what those two could've done to provoke such hatred from these people; they seemed innocent to me, kind even. From what I could understand, Jimmy and Jax and Jericho all wantin' Benjamin and Mya dead was the reason Elizabeth finally broke away from the group, as she didn't see any reason to keep on killin' innocent people, especially a child and a dying man.

I had to wonder why this girl was givin' all this information to a couple of strangers she'd just met, and said as much to her. Seems like Elizabeth had a deathwish; she doesn't care who she runs into and will tell them anything, hopin' to die by either our hands or the group she's fled from. Too much of a coward to take her own life she said, but she's fine if someone else does it. I saw Decker eyein' his guns; thought maybe he was considerin' doin' the deed for her. As if Elizabeth was tryin' to help him decide, she told us about how she had killed an innocent woman the other day just for bein' a good person. Kind people are weak and are better off dead rather than livin' in this place, she said. Wonder if she would've killed me too, had I not been with Decker.

Elizabeth tried every angle she could think of to get Decker to kill her. "You said you killed bad people, and I'm a bad person," she told him. Problem for her is Decker didn't see her as such; he still saw the good within her, and in exchange or her life he asked only one thing of her: make the world a better place, do at least one thing to change it for the better. She promised she would.

* * *

It was a long run to head back up north to the Quarry, but truth is I didn't mind the time. I had a lot to think about after everythin' Elizabeth had said. She seemed like a nice, sweet, innocent young woman, much like myself, and there she was sayin' people like us needed to die. Was bein' a cold hearted killer the only way to survive around these parts? I haven't killed anyone, and yet I'm still here. Is it only because of Decker though? Maybe without him, had I run into Jericho and Sam or Elizabeth without him, maybe I would already be dead?

Decker could've killed that girl, but he didn't. Just like he didn't kill Jericho and Sam, or Benjamin and Mya, so clearly he has a good heart too and is survivin'. But Elizabeth also said that bein' a good person can get others killed, and the last thing I want to do is get Decker killed just by bein' around him. These thoughts continued as he took a quick nap in the woods and I watched over him. There's no doubt in my mind I'd kill someone if they attempted to harm Decker or myself, but that's just survival isn't it? Does it make me a bad person, and therefore worthy of stayin' alive in this place? Like many of Decker's riddles, I just don't know the answer to this either.

I asked Decker about it when he woke up, about nice people havin' a place in this world, and told him I was worried I may one day get him killed. He told me not to worry, but I still do. Can't help it really; think I'd be lost without him around. And if I was the reason any harm had come to him? Not sure if I could live with myself if that happened.

Needin' to stop my brain from thinkin' all these thoughts, I tried to ask Decker for more information about himself. Truth is, I know very little about this man I'd be willin' to kill and die for, which I thought was a bit odd. The closest glimpse of information I got was when he was talkin' with Benjamin about how important spendin' time with his daughter was. But I have no idea what his parents were like, if he had any siblings, where he grew up or what he did before all this. Or maybe he was referrin' to a kid of his own? I know so little.

Pushin' him for this information was a bad idea. He stopped runnin' and got right up in my face. "Sometimes, you don't wanna dig too deep," he said, and for the first time since bein' with him, I was frightened by the anger in his voice. He immediately backed off, but still I was scared. I didn't mean to anger him or upset him. I had told him so much about my life, just wanted to know a little more about his. Guess now I know not to ask him about anythin' personal.

I stayed quiet for most of the time we ran after that, not wantin' to upset him further or say the wrong thing again. We stopped in some town along the way lookin' for food and somethin' to drink. I ended up eatin' somethin' foul and got pretty sick, but Decker was kind enough to take care of me. I suppose that sickness was a blessin' as he forgot all about bein' mad at me and was more concerned about how sick I was.

Thankfully I felt better after a few hours and we continued on to the Quarry. On the way we came up with a plan: I was to go and see if I could drag Jimmy away from his friends and lead him to some pre-planned destination for Decker to take care of him. We found a good place to lead him to, nice and secluded building not far from the Quarry.

Of course it would've helped had Jimmy or Jax actually been at the Quarry. I spent some time wanderin' around but didn't see them nor hear anythin' about them. Met back up with Decker to let him know, and then we decided on settlin' there for the night, try to find them again in the mornin'. In a way I wish they were there, and we could get this over with and not have to worry about it no more. But I'm also kinda glad they weren't around, cause I fear what may have happened had we actually found them.


	6. Chapter Six

The Quarry was its usual full of people self when I went back in the mornin'. So many people goin' on about this and that, nonsense talk really. I suppose it's good to get lost in nothin' sometimes, especially when livin' in this crazy world. I remained quiet for a bit, listenin' to the chatter to see if I could pick up on any clues as to where Jimmy and Jax may have been, but there seemed to be a different topic on a few lips that mornin'.

Poor old Wally apparently lost his girl Lola, and he was tellin' me about it when Decker arrived. I only knew Decker was around because I heard him get into it with some guy that was commenting on his voice; if we weren't in this safe place that guy may have lost his life the way he was antagonizin' Decker. I swear, some people are so brave when they know they can't be touched. Bet this stranger would've kept his mouth shut if we weren't in the Quarry.

Decker continued on to meet Phrankie and then some guy Cylus. Then there was Terrance, though his accent was so rough people though he was really named Darren. We also met someone in a clown mask giggling like a madman, he called himself Jack. And then there was Argo, who runs some security/trading company. It was clear Decker was not impressed with the amount of people dwellin' in the Quarry, and we quickly headed out.

We made our way to the apartment buildings, far enough out of earshot of them fools in the Quarry. I had to fill Decker in on what I had learned that mornin' but it seems my story tellin' time would have to wait. We heard two people roamin' through the building, and they were quite excited to find some tents! They heard us walkin' around but then attributed our whispering to the wind. Quite hysterical really, as we made some wind noises to play along with their thoughts. Sometimes Decker can be really funny; prefer that to his seriousness all the time

We followed them into town where they had met up with three other guys. Big social gatherin' right in the middle of the road; bit weird for such a dangerous place but it seemed to go alright. The three took off in a hurry, but we stayed to chat to the two who were originally in the buildin' gatherin' tents. The girl seemed rather young and innocent, as all she wanted to do was to make friends. She made mention of Jack, the guy in the clown mask, and how he made fun of her name. Not sure why, as we learned her name was Willow; I thought it was a rather pretty name, as did Decker. Her friend, Morgan, seemed a little scared of us runnin' up on them. Honestly don't blame him; as I've stated before Decker can be a bit intimidating.

Jack the clown came runnin' down the road past us, so we parted ways from Morgan and Willow and went to see what Jack was up to. At first he was wanderin' on the rooftop of some buildin', not too safe if you ask me. Decker convinced him to come down for a chat; kindred spirits in a way I think those two were. Even though Decker said he wasn't certain Jack was alright in the head, those two and their riddles combined were enough to drive any normal person insane! It was a strange exchange between them, and Jack ended up followin' us when we stopped to get a drink from the well. It was then we learned that Elizabeth was dead.

Liz was killed by a man named James, according to Jack. Decker went on to question him further, but I wasn't hearin' much of what they were talkin' about. The shock of hearin' she was dead kind of made my head spin; we'd just met her, just spoke to her, I thought maybe Decker had even changed her mind in wantin' to die so badly. She said there were many people that wanted her dead, I guess she wasn't lyin'. But still, it was hard to hear of her passing. Maybe we should've stayed with her, or watched over her. Maybe we could've prevented this somehow. This news broke my heart.

That man Argo and his friends from the Quarry were talking to Decker and Jack when I returned to the well. He was sayin' that Jax, Jimmy's brother, was also dead. He also told us that Wally and his late girlfriend were cannibals! Here I thought Wally was nothin' but a sweet old man stuck in this crazy place, even reminded me of my grandpa a little, and turns out he's just a bad bad man. Maybe I don't know a thing about judgin' people anymore. Maybe I should stop tryin'.

They had also come to the conclusion that the Jimmy we were lookin' for was indeed the very same James that had killed Elizabeth. One more reason this man needed to die. I surprised myself with how full of hatred and rage I'd become towards this man Jimmy; this place certainly seems to be changin' me in many ways, and not for the better.

Decker then asked Jack the question: how many times have you died? As with everyone else, Jack said he hadn't, which only provoked that same haunting laugh Decker has whenever he gets an answer to that question. I didn't bother askin' him why he continues to ask that; I'm sure the only answer I'd get is yet another riddle. Not sure why it matters so much to ask anyone that; we just found out Elizabeth was dead, the better questions would be where is Jimmy, and what's the best way to rid this world of him!

We started headin' south, the last known location of Jimmy thanks to Argo. Ran into a girl named Ashley; she's the granddaughter of Lola, Wally's now deceased girlfriend. I filled her in on what happened to Lola and sent her in the direction of the Quarry to find out more for herself. Probably not the best idea, knowin' now that Wally was a cannibal, but since there are always so many others in that place, I figured she'd be safe.

I talked a little to Decker about what was troublin' me, about Elizabeth's death and Wally bein' bad. Decker said we've all done somethin' bad, which I guess is true. I also asked him if he thought Elizabeth was finally happy, now that she's dead, considerin' that's what she seemed to have wanted when we met her. As usual, his answer made no sense. "Maybe we can ask her next time we see her."

As we now sit here, under the stars, takin' a rest before our journey continues, all of this man's many riddles run through my mind. I wonder, as I've done many times before, why Decker's always so cryptic? And then a small piece of me wonders if he's just as bad as the others. Maybe he is the crazy one. Maybe I'm the crazy one for following him. Or maybe this place isn't meant to make any sense at all.

I suppose that's just how it is.


	7. Chapter Seven

It seemed like everywhere we went, we ran into dead ends when it came to findin' Jimmy. We had travelled for days followin' leads, and besides a small camp that may or may not have been his, the trail had run cold. Sadly that meant there was only one logical thing to do, and that was to return to the Quarry to see if we could learn anythin' new.

We ran into Jericho, who informed us that Sam, the girl we had met when we first met Jericho, killed herself. That was sad to hear; although she intimidated me a bit, she still seemed a little soft on the inside. Decker asked Jericho if he had any news on Jimmy, to which Jericho said our best bet was to use Wally as bait, seein' as those two were close lately. Wally, the sweet old man who we'd learned was a cannibal, the one I felt sorry for when he lost his love, I didn't have the heart to do somethin' like that even if he was a bad man. Thankfully Decker agreed.

After learnin' from Argo that Jimmy and Jericho were friends, none of it made any sense anyway. I thought Wally was a good man, turns out not so much. Now I'm hearin' Jericho may not be a good man either? So many confusin' stories, twists and lies. Comin' back to the Quarry was a bad idea; just made me realize that you really can't trust anyone in this place. But I suppose it's good that I'm learnin' these things now before I foolishly did somethin' to get myself killed.

Upon leavin' the Quarry we met a man named Sport who was searching for his wife and two children. Another family man lookin' for lost loved ones. Breaks my heart with each family story that I hear, them being separated and unable to find each other. Some guy named Mason gave Sport the completely wrong directions when it came to where he and his family were supposed to meet; what a jerk! I'm hopin' we run into Mason so I can give him a piece of my mind, and I think Decker's wishin' for the same.

Oddest thing happened when we left Sport. After Decker gave him the correct way to go to the town he was searchin' for, Sport said, "Thank you, and God bless you." Normally I suppose that ain't so odd of a sayin', but it's not somethin' I had heard in a long time, especially around here. I see no God, no evidence of one, not in a long time. I used to believe in God, but after bein' in these parts long enough, it's easier to believe He's forgotten about us.

Decker said he was more curious about how an entire family could end up in this place. I figured it was a good thing, man havin' his family with him while most of us don't. And if Sport had hope he'd find his family, then that I suppose is a good thing too. Decker said he doesn't need hope in this place, he already knows what's going to happen. When I asked him how he knows, he just said it was a matter of connecting the dots til the puzzle is all filled in.

Then he said we're all stuck here, and that, at least for him, he can't leave until his work here is done. I asked him if he ever thought about leavin', tryin' to run away from this place. He said he's in it til the end, that there's no escaping it, and that he's already tried to leave. I asked him how but he didn't answer.

He sure does scare me sometimes, and I told him as much. He said I had nothin' to be scared of, especially him. But then he added I may find out sooner than I'm ready to what it all means and that wasn't very comforting at all.

More riddles.

As we continued on, Decker asked me what my happiest memory was in my life. This was a hard one for me; not because I didn't know what it was, but because it was hard talkin' about it. It's been a long time since life was happy, since I felt like there was a good thing happenin'. Sadly I didn't realize it at the time, or I'd probably have cherished those moments a little more.

My favorite memory that I told him was of course our family gatherings. We'd all head over to either my grandparent's house or my uncle's house for the major holidays, birthdays, whatever. It was the only time I got to see my cousins and my aunts and uncles, as they didn't come around much for whatever reason. My dad, uncle, and grandpa would get to work on barbecuin' the chicken and ribs, corn on the cob, and hamburgers and hot dogs. My mom, aunts, and grandma would be in the kitchen makin' the cole slaw and fixin' the plates and such that we'd need.

Us kids, well we weren't fussed with any of that. We'd all be busy in the pool, the older cousins throwin' us younger ones up in the air and then gettin' splashed when we dropped in the water. The dogs would run around the pool chasin' the water as it came over the sides. Coolers were lined up along the backyard; soda for us kids, beer for the adults. These are the good times I remember. Just bein' around family, without a care in the world. I'd never seen my parents so relaxed and enjoyin' themselves, and there was so much love to spread around it brings a smile to my face just thinkin' about it.

Decker said it sounded like heaven, and I can surely agree with that. Those were the best of times. But sadly everyone from those parties is gone now, all died of one thing or another, or disappeared from my life because of some old grudges and family drama. Not that I understood any of that back then, but now that I'm older, yeah it kinda sucks. Come to think of it, Decker's the only thing I have now that's even close to a family.

When he said I should be thankful none of them are here, I was kinda angry at first, but I suppose he's right. I'd hate for them to be livin' like this, on the road with nowhere left to call home. Though I really wish my dad was here; he's the one I miss most. He'd bring me strength whenever I felt I had none, and I've been missin' him for a long long time. Thinkin' back on these memories made me miss him even more.

Strange coincidence, as I was thinkin about my father, Decker mentioned his, said he was hoping to run into him. I didn't even know Decker's dad was in these parts; in fact I don't know much about Decker's family life at all. First time he'd ever brought them up, except for that time he told Benji spendin' time with family was important. I asked Decker to tell me about his father, to which he replied his father was a mean bastard. That confused me a bit; why would you want to run into him again if he's so mean? I asked him to elaborate, and once again received an answer that didn't quite make sense.

"Cause killin' him one time just wasn't enough."

Not quite sure how you can run into a dead man, and to hear that Decker killed him? That took me a few minutes to process. When I tried to push him for a little more information, like how he could hope to run into his father if he was dead, I got a cryptic answer with him sayin' I'd figure it out eventually. I gotta say, I am so frustrated with the riddles, tired of things not makin' any sense. Fed up with Decker not bein' straight with me. I've never played games with him, done nothin' but been honest and straightforward with him. Why does he insist on puttin' me through these mind games? Feels like he's hidin' things from me, and I told him as much. To which he repeated that some things I gotta learn on my own. And that I may not like what I learn once I do.

But I also have nothing to fear, he added. Then he tried to reassure me that I was safe. Hard to believe with all this other shit he keeps sayin', especially now knowin' he killed his own father.

* * *

We came upon a town where we met Eric while he was hiding in a building trying to wait out those creepy things runnin' around. I wondered how long the poor thing was gonna hide in that buildin'? Lucky for him we showed up or he may have run out of food in there. We helped him get out and then the three of us went searchin' for supplies.

"I imagine that one didn't do anything super bad, don't think his time here will be very long," Decker said to me when Eric was out of earshot. Was he suggesting only bad people ended up in a place like this? Can't believe that one; what did a young girl like Mya do to end up here? Even Decker himself said I was a good person and I'm here; that man is so conflicting, none of it makes sense! Are we being punished here then for doing something wrong in our lives? I asked him as much, and of course he deflected my questions yet again with more riddles.

That's when he brought up the question. _The_ question. The one he asked when we first met, the one he asks everyone when he meets them. "How many times have you died?" My answer then was never, obviously, because I'm right here. Decker said he asked that of everyone to see if they truly knew the answer, if they know what he knows. And once again he said I'll figure it out when I'm meant to figure it out.

Infuriating! If I'm meant to know somethin', just tell me and be done with it! Why all the riddles, the games, the frustration, why torment me with words and make me wonder just what in the hell I'm doin' runnin' with him? Not sure how I'll ever figure out the answer when I don't even really know what the question is? Make sense? To me neither.

He asks everyone how many times they've died. He says he hopes to run into his father again, even though his father's dead. He says everyone here has done somethin' bad, but I have nothing to worry about, that I'm safe here. And he claims he can't die, and neither can I. I had asked him so many questions and received so few answers that made any sense. Why can't he just tell me? "Some things can't be told Darlin'," Decker said. "They must be learned on their own. Seen, felt, experienced. There just ain't no proper way to describe it."

"Would just be easier if you told me," I replied, because at this point, I was so lost and confused and scared, I didn't have a clue what was goin' on.

"I already have Darlin'," he said.

But he hadn't, at least not that I was able to figure out. The closest I ever got to a straight answer out of him was about his father. I figured that may be the only way to not have more riddles thrown at me, so I asked him to tell me the story about what happened with his father.

His response changed everything.


	8. Chapter Eight

"You know how earlier, you were talkin' about how you weren't so sure if God existed?" Decker asked. "I used to wonder the same thing, mostly on account of my daddy. I had a lot of doubts."

"Did you have a rough childhood?" I asked.

"My father was a Godly man," Decker replied. "Or so he would have me believe. Me and my mother."

This was the first time he'd really started to open up with me. Unfortunately it didn't sound like it was going to be a happy discussion. I wondered if I should've asked to begin with, but it was too late to go back now. "What happened?"

"A lot of things darlin', hell of a lot of things," Decker said. "He used to quote the bible to me. You ever read the bible?"

"Once or twice," which was true, I had. Before my mother swore off all religion, she had us all goin' to church, bein' good little Catholics. Celebrated all the holidays, took all the classes. Then one day when my mom had a tragic thing happen to her, she blamed it all on God, and we never went back. And here I was doubtin' God's existence, not surprised I suppose.

But I had a feelin' Decker's father was a little more intense when it came to religion than my mother was. She never quoted the bible to us. I asked Decker if his father had a favorite quote, or one he repeated often.

Decker laughed, though it wasn't a joyous sound. "Oh yeah, he had a favorite one alright," he aswered. "He used to say that one all the time. Couple of em in fact. They stuck in my head forever. They are as much a part of me as that bastard's blood is flowin' through my veins."

Now I felt like a downright bitch bringin' this all up. I should've just kept my mouth shut. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," I told him, and I meant it.

"I suppose you want to know why I killed him," Decker said.

That much was true. Curiosity often got the better of me. My own father said it would get me into trouble one day, but after endless riddles, I guess I couldn't help myself while Decker was in the mood to give straight answers. "I wouldn't mind knowin'," I replied.

"My daddy used to get real mad," Decker began. "You said you read the bible a couple times, well there's this little piece in proverbs goes something like this: Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from Hell."

I didn't remember that one in there, but hearin' the way Decker said it gave me chills. "He use that as some excuse to hurt you?"

"He would whip me til I bled," Decker said. "'I'm deliverin' you from Hell boy!' That's what he'd say. Over, and over, and over again."

The pain in his voice was nearly too much for me to handle. I felt the tears stingin' my eyes as he spoke. All I could picture was Decker as a little boy, cowarin' in the corner as his father towered over him and beat him. My heart was breakin' for him and what he had to go through. "That wasn't right of him to do to you," I whispered, barely able to speak.

"No darlin' no it surely wasn't," Decker agreed. "So like I said, I surely hope that I do find him again in this place, cause killin' him once sure is hell wasn't enough." I could barely hear what he said next after he paused. "What he did to me ain't nothing compared to what he did to my mother."

I didn't want to imagine what his mother must have gone through, or the horrible acts Decker had to witness as a child. I was surprised at how glad I was that this horrible man was dead.

But then the realization hit me. Decker's father was dead. He killed him, admitted it himself. And now he's hopin' to run into him again. The only way possible for that to happen is if...

"Are you tryin' to say that we're in Hell?" I asked, terrified of the answer.

"No darlin', no we ain't in Hell," Decker said.

But we had to be. It's the only thing that made sense. The dead walkin' around here, the isolation, the pain in others we've spoken to. "Surely a man like that would end up there if you killed him," I stated. This is certainly no Heaven, so what other explanation was there? I suppose it can't be Hell either though, cause how can I be in the same place with some man that evil?

And that's when I also realized that there was only one thing that explained everything.

"Does that mean I've died too?" I asked him, though deep down I already knew the answer.

"Darlin', every single person you meet in this place has died at least once."

And the puzzle pieces all began to fit into place. "Is that what you meant when you said we couldn't die? Cause we already have?"

He laughed. "There ya go, now you're gettin' it darlin'. Some folks are ready to go straight to Heaven or straight to Hell, for everybody else they gotta figure out their path. Some of them do it knowingly, some of them by chance, and this is where they figure it out."

"So I'm stuck here," in Purgatory, though I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"You're stuck here til our work is done darlin'," Decker said. "And we have a lot of work to do."

Decker knows what he's supposed to do here apparently, but I sure don't. I'll know when it's time he says, and we're back to the riddles.

I didn't want to talk anymore, too much to process, to think about, to figure out. He was right about one thing when he said I may not like what I learn once I do cause I'm more lost now than I ever was. I don't remember dyin', I don't know how it happened, and why did I end up here and not just go straight to Heaven? What is it that I need to figure out? What is it that I've done wrong?

I asked Decker if there was a way to find out how I died, thinkin' maybe that would give me some clue as to my purpose here. According to him you just remember it one day, there's no real trick to it. I asked him how he died and he told me the story: on November 24th, 2008, Decker was strapped into an electric chair and put to death as punishment for killin' his father. Don't know how any jury in their right minds would do such a thing considerin' what a bastard his father was, but I suppose that was typical of our justice system. Can't imagine what it's like rememberin' a death like that though.

Maybe I'm lucky I don't remember mine.


	9. Chapter Nine

We ran into Eric shortly after Decker finished tellin' me the story of his death. The last thing I wanted to do was run into another person in that moment. Knowin' what I know now, all I could wonder was how poor Eric had died, what was it he had done to end up here with us. I almost wish now that I didn't have all the answers, because it was makin' it that much harder just to breath.

It didn't help any when Decker asked Eric how many times he had died. I think he did it just to prove his point, cause after Eric answered that he hadn't, Decker made it a point to mention to me that's the typical response. Well of course it was, it was mine as well, cause no one seems to have figured out what Decker knows, what I now know.

Eric asked to travel with us for a while, to which Decker agreed. I suppose it was for the best, kept the conversation from gettin' all serious again. I tried to take my mind off it all by askin' Eric where he was from and what brought him to this place, who he had met so far and what his future plans were. Basically I was just askin' anythin' to try and imagine this as the strange world it was before I knew what it _really_ was.

Decker and Eric were commentin' about how beautiful the landscape was. I couldn't argue with that, it sure was pretty. Silly of me to think it was Hell, not like there was any fire or nothin' like it's been depicted. There was a sun in the sky and grass beneath our feet. I suppose it wasn't all that bad, and in a strange way it almost reminded me of home. The men were busy lootin' houses while I got lost a bit starin' out into the ocean. Hard to put into words how realistic everythin' felt, but wasn't. Or was it? Hard to wrap my head around it all.

I was quite surprised when Decker then suggested we should do some fishin', and as it turns out we were right next to a pond that had fish! Maybe he knew where my head was at and was tryin' to give me some sense of normalcy among the chaos in my head. Seems he knows me better than I know myself sometimes. It was a nice suggestion, and I was more than happy to attempt it.

He made me a fishin' rod out of some sticks and rope. I used the fishhook Wally had given me and attached it to the end. Decker then spent a few minutes lookin' for a shovel so he could dig up some worms. I wasn't sure he was serious about all this but he seemed just as excited as I was!

Worm huntin' was delayed a few minutes by a man named Omar who was lookin' for his cousins. Jumpy guy he was, seemed to be hopped up on drugs or somethin'. It wasn't until Decker asked him how many times he died that I was reminded of what this place really was. Almost seemed pointless to go about fishin' now that bein' in Purgatory was on my mind again. Of course Omar said it was a foolish question, same as I thought when Decker first asked me. I also think the question was enough to scare Omar off, as he immediately came up with someplace better to be.

I tried to tell Decker that we didn't have to do this fishin' thing, but he insisted that's what we were goin' to do, so back to the search for a shovel. Didn't last more than a few seconds though, as I heard a voice in the distance. "I heard pickles are good for catching fish!"

I have no idea where Eric ran off to at this point, but our new friend seemed mighty interestin', and he knew where we could find a shovel! His name was Richard Stickler, and he was kind enough to lead us to a shed he had seen a shovel earlier in his travels which wasn't far from the fishin' pond. While Decker began to dig up some worms, Richard and I had some pleasant conversation about fashion. Just two normal people havin' a normal conversation in a not so normal place.

Decker got to know Richard a little while we headed back to the pond. Seems Mr. Stickler is a pickler! Made my mouth water to think about pickles, been some time since I had one. They probably wouldn't go well with the fish I was gonna catch though, so maybe it was best Richard didn't have any on him.

The fish were as stubborn as Decker, that much was certain. Took a long time before I could even catch one, so long that Decker had dozed off while waitin'. He woke up just in time to give me some more worms, and then he and Richard went to find cookin' supplies while I tried to catch enough for all of us to eat. Honestly I was thankful to be alone for a little while, gave me time to shed a few tears for my dad, the last man I had fished with.

Growin' up, my father and I weren't really that close; he was always busy workin' and providin' for us kids so he was hardly ever home. Occasionally though, his job used to hold fishin' trips that we'd all get to go on, and that's where I had learned how to fish. It was the only chance we had to spend alone together, as my mother and siblings couldn't really stand the motion sickness from bein' on the water. Sittin' here fishin' reminded me of him, of that time, in a place that wasn't here, when I still had the innocence of a child. And all of that combined with knowin' what I know now made it hard for me to keep my composure.

But I heard Decker and Richard returnin', so I quickly wiped the tears and pretended everythin' was fine. Decker was kind enough to give me this moment of normalcy and I wasn't goin' to thank him by cryin' about old memories. This was a special thing he had done for me, and I wanted to make sure he knew it. I told him how nice and normal it was, especially after that he told me, and I thanked him for it.

My stoic demeanor was hard to maintain however. Sittin' around a campfire, cookin' fish and casual conversation with Richard and Decker, it was all just an illusion at this point to me. As much as I wanted it to be normal, to feel like it was livin', the knowledge of actually bein' dead was weighin' heavy on my mind. Of everyone we had ever met, it seemed like none of them knew the truth of this place. Decker and I were alone in this knowledge, at least it appeared that way, and that was hard for me.

I wanted to talk to Decker more about it, but couldn't with Richard around. And even if he wasn't there, what more could or would Decker tell me? Each time Decker walked away from us to cut up more firewood or gather water for the cooking pot, I felt myself panickin'. What would happen if Decker weren't around? What if one day he finished what it was he had to do here, and I was left here alone knowin' what I knew? How is it that I am to get out of this place, if it's even possible at all? What if I'm trapped here forever?

What if we truly can never die? Or worse, what happens if we do?


	10. Chapter Ten

It had been quite the long day, and I was lookin' forward to nothin' but quiet and some rest. My emotions had exhausted me, that and the fishin' fun from earlier. We parted ways with Richard and made way back toward a small town in an effort to find an empty house to crash in for the night.

Unfortunately it didn't seem like that was destined to be, as the very first town we came across we ended up findin' a young girl hidin' in one of the houses. Decker seemed to scare her a bit, havin' his gun out and all, and I tried to assure her that we weren't going to harm her. After Decker put his gun away, we were able to learn that her name was Spark, and she was searchin' for her friend named Randall.

It didn't sound like she was so sure this Randall was a friend of hers or not. She wanted to find him, sure, but then made it seem like he may not want to be found. Spark wasn't sure if he was lookin' for her or not, didn't know where he might be, in fact she wasn't clear on most of what she was sayin' at first. But she did admit that she was still a bit scared of us, so it just took her gettin' used to us to open up a bit more. We learned that a close friend of hers had died the previous day and that her home was destroyed. All in all, she's had a rough go of it, poor thing.

Decker askin' her how many times she'd died reminded me that she wasn't just some little girl we had happened upon. She was someone who had already died and didn't quite know it yet. Too young to be in a place like this if you ask me. Too innocent as well. Spark didn't understand the question, and rightfully so, but she was the first to turn the question around on Decker and ask him the same. "Too many to count," was his response.

The night passed quickly, Spark tellin' us about her friend that was killed, and a few others she had met along the way. She believed she was a magnet for trouble, which had me wonderin' what she was doing here, what lesson it was she had to learn in order to move on from this place. She didn't belong here anymore than I believed I did, or Decker, or many of the others we met. Tryin' to wrap my head around all this was exhaustin'.

We offered to escort Spark to the Beacon, the last place she had seen her friend Randall. Along the way there was some interestin' conversation to be had. Started off by learnin' her entire family had been in this place with her; now I'm not sure if that's just somethin' she remembered from before she actually got here, or if her family had died with her and they all ended up here. Not knowin' exactly how all this worked was confusin' me a bit, but I couldn't ask Decker with her around. Seemed like it was important everyone learn of this place on their own, like I had, so I wasn't going to try and explain to her what was really happenin' around here.

Spark had asked me about what I did before comin' to this place, and I filled her in on how I was tryin' to become a singer. She told me a bit about her mother, and about how her mom used to sing to her when she was younger. Spark then asked me if I'd sing for her, but I told her the same thing I told Decker; not much in the mood for singin', as there's little inspiration in this dark place to offer it any beauty such as that.

There was one man Spark made mention to that I wouldn't mind meetin'. Someone named Abbadon, who seemed to enjoy talkin' about angels and demons. To me it sounds like he may be more on the right track than he realizes, though he did suggest to Spark that there were ways to thrive here. Doubtin' that very much given the very nature of where we were and the amount of damned we had run into. Of course rumor had it that Abbadon was dead, but a part of me hoped he hadn't moved on yet, that maybe there was a chance Decker and I weren't the only ones that knew what was really goin' on. Spark said Abbadon also loved to talk in riddles; seems he and Decker would get along quite well.

Turns out Spark had met Mya too, though it was sad to hear she was no longer with her father Benji. Spark didn't know what happened to him, but she said Mya was now a very cold person, even killed someone. Doesn't seem like the nervous, scared little girl we had met not so long ago. Somethin' bad must have happened for her to change so drastically. Decker wanted to know where Mya was now, but Spark wasn't sure. I'd like to believe maybe she found her father, or that the two of them have moved on from this place.

When we finally had a moment alone, I told Decker that I didn't believe someone like Spark belonged in a place like this. He agreed. But that's the sorta questions I still have for him; what would make someone like her end up here? Or me for that matter? I still don't remember how I died, but I can't imagine it bein' in a way so bad that I had to be punished for it or had some lesson to learn from it. The entire time we travelled up to that Beacon, I kept tryin' to figure out what I had done to deserve this, and I still couldn't come up with any answers. Decker said that none of us deserved to be here, and yet here we were. Guess he wasn't done with the riddles.

Mr. Sunny. An odd name for a man in this place, and yet that's who we met on the way to the Beacon. Funnier still was he was some kinda shrink, when his name reminded me more of a preschool teacher. Decker kept callin' him Smiles, Smiley, or Sunshine; not sure if it was on purpose to annoy him or he just couldn't remember the name, but it got me to smile every time he did it. Seems Spark knew Mr. Sunny and his travellin' companions Griff and Tabitha. They had run into each other yesterday while she was on her search for Randall. The three of them walked with us to the Beacon in the hopes of findin' some clue for Spark as to where Randall had gone to.

Unfortunately it seemed like the Beacon was a dead end for poor Spark. Randall wasn't there, and in fact no one was around. The place looked like it had been abandoned, no sign of life anywhere. Kinda sad, thinkin' we'd finally be able to find her friend only to find nothin'. After talkin' to Mr. Sunny some more, Spark felt it would be best to follow him to another camp they'd heard of where some of the Beacon folk had moved on to.

I wished her the best of luck, honestly, because I couldn't imagine havin' to wander this place alone. As I watched over Decker while he took a nap, it occurred to me that even though this place may have been one step closer to Hell or even Heaven, at least I had him by my side. All that I had learned was terrifyin', but a little less so with him around.

Spark got me thinkin' with somethin' she said before she left as well. "Everybody deserves redemption, everybody deserves another chance. And there is hope. Sometimes you just don't when you're lookin' at it." Lookin' at Decker, it all started to make a little more sense. Helpin' him might be my chance at redemption, and that alone gives me hope that one day we will both make it out of here.

* * *

It was dark, and I was cold. I felt disorientated and my head was killin' me. I tried to open my eyes but they wouldn't budge, and I felt somethin' warm runnin' down my cheek. My heart was racin' and I could barely breathe, and a sense of despair began to overwhelm me. I couldn't tell if it was real, if it was a dream, but in the distance I heard Decker's voice. "Don't you worry darlin', don't you worry."

And it was only after hearin' his voice that I was able to breathe again. I opened my eyes to the shining sun above me, its warmth envelopin' me and pushin' away the cold. I didn't see Decker anywhere when my eyes could finally focus, but I heard his voice in my head once more. "You can't kill me," he whispered, followed by that laugh of his that faded away into silence.

Whatever had happened to separate us, I don't know the details, but I know for sure that Decker wasn't lyin' when he said we couldn't die. Because I _did_ die, that I'm sure of, just as sure as I am now as to how I died the first time to get to this place. I remembered every last detail. Maybe it took dyin' in this place of Purgatory to know how you originally came to be here. He was tellin' the truth all along.

Decker and I always had a plan in place in case we got separated, so I began my journey home in the hopes that I'd find him there waiting for me. Along the way, I sang the song I had written for him. When we meet again, I'll be happy to sing it to him.


End file.
